


Panic

by 1_800_fiction



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Nightmares, Pain, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28057362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_800_fiction/pseuds/1_800_fiction
Summary: Request: “Can you do a oneshot where the reader is a new addition to the avengers but she’s really quiet and doesn’t talk to them even when they try to connect with her and then after a mission she has a panic attack and Steve is there to calm her down and they end up together? Loads of fluff pls?? THX!”
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Panic

“Welcome” Tony said with a smile on his face. You were one of Hydra’s experiments to create a weapon which the succeeded in. That didn’t mean you wanted to hurt people. Hydra has messed you up; Brainwashed you so many time that you didn’t know what was real or who you even were.

Before your kidnapping you were a vibrant and social person, but lately you’d rather lie in bed and be alone. Although you preferred this you still didn’t want to be lonely. When the avengers restrained you and Hydra’s mind control had worn away, Tony offered you to put your powers to good use; to save the world.

You agreed of course. You wanted to undo the harm you’d caused and save lives instead of taking them. But now you were a silent loner. A complete opposite version of yourself. You didn’t mind being alone. The only problem was being lonely; its what you feared the most. You were a quiet mess. A whole other world was operating inside your head.

You wished so hard to be happy again but there was something holding you back. It was like you were a bomb and you had to cut the wire to stop blowing up. Problem was you didn’t know which wire to cut. You were a ticking time bomb. You couldn’t put your feelings into words so when some would would ask, you couldn’t answer.

You were so used to overthinking every single motion and situation that it felt like it was part of who you were. So when Tony introduced you to the team, you were constantly checking and analysing every thing in the room and coming up with excuses if you had to leave. A familiar sick feeling started to sink in your stomach which you tried to ignore.

“Hi” You responded. All the other team members smiled and greeted you. You awkwardly nodded and looked at Tony with desperation.

“Alright,” He clapped his hands together.

“Steve will train you this week before the mission” Tony ordered. They nodded and separated. Steve called you over to the training room and you followed. When you entered you noticed the black and silver floors and walls of the giant room. Punching bags and sparing mats were littered around the room. 

You followed Steve over to the mats. For the remainder of the evening he taught you his fighting techniques and although you knew most, you learnt some more.

He rarely spoke to you besides the occasional tips and teaching. When you were done you ached and bleed. Some cuts had bleed from your intense training. Despite his apologies, you shrugged them off and headed for the shower. You wiped away the blood and sweat from your skin.

Your fingers brushed against the purple bruises that decorated your body. No matter how much you wanted to forget, you remembered how you got each one of them. The painful memories danced in your mind, stopping time and bringing you back to the past. You turned the shower off, the coldness snapping you out of your trance.

Once you left the bathroom you headed for bed. The softness of it unsettling after many years on a cold hard floor. As memories began to play you started counting sheep. A childish thing to do but it helped distract you. You counted until numbers reached the thousands before you fell asleep.

———

It had been a week and you still found yourself questioning everything. You still couldn’t trust anyone but you had a liking to Steve. He showed you kindness and a warm heart. Even throughout the harsh workouts and training, you never feared him unlike the others. 

You felt your heart open slightly to him but it scared you so much you forced it shut. As much as you wanted to love and connect, you couldn’t bear the thought of pain you would feel if you were to lose them.

You were gearing up for the mission with Steve. It was a minor one that didn’t require the whole team. You still felt on edge like something wasn’t right but you complied. Steve knew you weren’t a talker and respected that. He offered smiles and nodded at you which you appreciated.

Once you two jumped from the plane and landed safety in the bushes, you took off the parachutes and pulled out your gun. You had gone through this plan all week and knew the landscape quite well. You and Steve separated and slowly crept through the dense bush. 

There wasn’t something quite right. It was probably just your nerves. You made your way to the roof while Steve went through a door. When you go inside it was quiet. Too quiet for Hydra.

You heard a loud crash and instantly knew something had gone wrong. You ran down the hall and followed the gun shots and yelling. As soon as you rounded the corner the room was flooded with Hydra agents fighting Steve. You pulled out your gun and started shooting. 

You turned into a vicious monster. All your humanity melted away as you fought each and every one of the agents. You moved swiftly and only sustained a few grazes.

Only a few moments later all the men were dead. Some lay with no heads some with missing limbs. As soon as the last shot was fired you snapped back to reality. Your heart raced at what you’d just done. You looked at the blood on your hands and screamed. You sank down in the spot you were in. You felt Steve comfort you but you shoved him away.

Your vision started to blur and you struggled to breathe. Your lungs were burning and your chest weighed you down. Your stomach turned inside out as you threw up.

“Y/N” Steve pleaded, wrapping his arms around you.

“No” You whined, feeling ashamed.

“It’s okay” You looked up at him in disbelief.

“I’m a monster” You mumbled through harsh breaths. He grabbed your face and made you look at him. He wiped away your tears until there were no more.

“No, Y/N. You’re not” He said calmly. You almost believed him. He saw the pain in your eyes. Once you realised how vulnerable you were, you pushed him away. You stood up and snapped out of your fit.

“Lets go” You said sternly, like you weren’t just melting down a minute ago. Steve didn’t argue. He followed you out of the building and into the plane. You sat quietly for the rest of the flight back. Steve didn’t dare start anything. He knew when people needed some space.

Once you landed you ran off the plane and past everyone else. You knew Steve would have already told them the mission result. Your cheeks turned beetroot red as you sprinted to your room. 

The door slammed upon your entrance. You turned the lock and jumped into bed. You’d never been so vulnerable in font of anyone before. You felt weak. Emotions piled up inside you as tears slowly painted your face.

Shortly after there was a knock at the door. You had no energy to do anything but lie down. The knocks kept coming. Someone was very persistent about seeing you.

“Y/N?” You heard the man’s voice through the door. Your heart skipped a beat. You lifted your head up to see the door unlocking and Steve walking through the door. Once you made eye contact with him, you buried your face back into the pillow. His touch made you squirm.

“Look at me” He pleaded. You sighed and obeyed. He pushed the hair out of your face, his fingers brushing against your face. Steve was enchanting. You had never let someone get under your skin but here you were. The small action calmed you.

“Lie with me please?” You whispered with innocence. He smiled and nodded, getting under the covers with you. His arm wrapped around you in a comforting warmth. You felt safe in his presence. You fell asleep soon after.

Steve could have left but there was something about you that pulled him to you. So he stayed until you woke up. The sun was going down, filling the room with beautiful colours. It was then when you both woke up and shared your first kiss.


End file.
